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Cape {town} Etc reached out to Rise Against Domestic Violence (RADV), a South African non-profit company and approved public benefit organisation (PBO) to put together an informative guide for victims of abuse—including when children are involved.

RADV works to raise awareness and advocate change towards all types of domestic violence. They are driven by a single goal: to do their part in making South Africa a better place for all. This cause welcomes men, women, victims and abusers. “We are all in this together.”

Abuse exists on a spectrum (on which all kinds are equal and valid). It’s often the case that certain types of abuse are justified, ignored or minimised. So, a good place to start—for victims, abusers and everybody else—is to identify different types of abuse.

The following information has been provided by the founder and director of RADV, Zen Williams, and legal volunteer, Francesca Pedrosa.

What constitutes abuse?

According to the Domestic Violence Act No. 116 of 1998, domestic violence is: any form of abuse, which includes physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, economic harassment, financial abuse, damage to property, stalking, entry into a person’s property without their consent, and any other abusive or controlling behaviour where such a conduct causes harm or may cause harm to your health, safety, or wellbeing.

  • Sexual abuse (whether you are married to the other person or not).
  • Physical abuse or assault (for example, slapping, biting, kicking, and threats of physical violence).
  • Damage to property or anything you value (breaking items, smashing vehicles, etc.)
  • Stalking (when the other person follows or approaches you or your children repeatedly).
  • Emotional abuse (that is, degrading or humiliating behaviour, including repeated insults, belittling, cursing and threats or enticing fear within the victim).
  • Economic abuse (when the other person keeps money to which you are legally entitled from you in an unreasonable manner by refusing to pay or share the rent or bond payments for the home you share or disposing of any property (household goods) in which you have interest, without your permission, calling your place of employment and compromising your employment or position which could result in you losing your job, for example).
  • A spectrum (any other controlling or abusive behaviour which poses a threat to your safety, health or well-being (abuse does not have to ‘check any boxes’ to be abuse.)

A note on emotional abuse:

Emotional abuse is one of the most brutal forms of abuse and is not easily identifiable in Court. Some women don’t even know it’s abuse, but emotional abuse is worthy of reporting and can be done in court.

Emotionally abusive behaviour: 

  • Not accepting responsibility for bad behaviour.
  • Manipulation is used to get what they want.
  • Gaslighting (making a victim question their own reality)
  • Making the victim believe something is their fault when it’s not.
  • Silent treatment.
  • Shaming a victim to make them feel terrible about themselves.
  • Name calling.
  • Ignoring the victims inner most concerns and fears.
  • Neglecting the victim in a time of need.
  • Hot-and-cold treatment.
  • Inconsistent in actions and behaviour.
  • Telling the victim they are loved and not showing love.

Emotional abuse is identifiable under the Domestic Violence Act. But it needs to be proved (with voice recordings, for example). Evidence can be transcribed for an affidavit for the Domestic Violence Court.

How to report abuse?

If you are a victim of domestic abuse or gender-based violence, you have the right to: apply for a protection order at your nearest magistrate’s court; or lay a criminal charge at the police station and apply for a protection order; or both.

“It is very important to keep your evidence,” says RADV. Evidence could include, images, videos, voice notes and witness statements, which would form part of your case file at the magistrate court as well as at SAPS.

There are instances where the abuser removes the mobile device from the victim and deletes the saved evidence, which often leaves the victim without sufficient evidence to support their claims of abuse.

Rise Against Domestic Violence SA offers victims of abuse an option to save their information and evidence in cases like these. You can reach them at [email protected] or 081 589 4308.

It is also imperative to get a copy of a J088 at your local police station and allow a medical practitioner to complete it. This will become part of your evidence in court and your SAPS case.

A J088 is a legal document that is completed by a medical doctor or registered nurse, documenting injuries sustained by the victim in circumstances where a legal investigation is to follow. It may be the only objective information available in a legal case.

You can download a J088 form here.

Can I lose my children if I report abuse?

It’s often the case that parents who are abused fear that by reporting an abuser, they will lose their child or children. In this regard, children can be used as manipulative tools by abusers to keep victims silent.

Reporting abuse against yourself or your child is not a circumstance which would result in you losing your child. If you or your child are being abused, it is important to seek help by reporting the abuse to a social worker or police officer.

There are instances where mothers are terrified of reporting their spouses or partners for gender-based violence or domestic violence for fear of their children being removed from their care because their abuser has told them they will lose their children if they are reported for abuse.

If you are a victim of domestic violence or gender-based violence, your child or children will not be taken away from you. Abusers use this as a form of control and also to incite fear in their victims, which is another form of gender-based violence perpetrated against the victim.

Children are in need of special protection as they are the most vulnerable members of our society. It is important to note that in our law, the best interest of the child is of paramount importance. This has been achieved by Section 28 of the Constitution, coupled with the Children’s Act, which has prioritises the rights of children.

Wherever there is a child involved in any matter, their best interests will always be looked at. The Children’s Act focuses on children’s rights, whereby the best interests of the child are always considered and applied in all matters involving their welfare, well-being, care, and protection..

What happens to my children if I report or seek out a shelter?

It is important to seek help if you or your child are being abused by reporting the matter to a social worker or police officer.

There are shelters in South Africa that are orientated around providing shelter and support for pregnant, abused and homeless women with their children. Their aims are to assist these victims by providing a safe space for abused women and helping them come to terms and begin to deal with their situations and receive the necessary support.

Every shelter in South Africa has different rules and regulations on what they will allow. The National Shelter Movement of South Africa, which is the united voice on sheltering for abused women and children.

“Shelters which we directly work with that allow children, allow girls up to the age of 18 and boys up to the maximum age of 10 to 12 years old. It is dependent on the type of shelter and what each shelter allows. In South Africa, there are two types of long-term shelters which allow stays from 4 to 6 months and emergency shelters which allow stays for up to 2 weeks, however, if an extended stay is required the shelter will refer you to a long-term shelter for assistance.”

Contact the national 24-hour toll-free shelter helpline on 0800 001 005 or www.nsmsa.org.za if you are needing assistance with shelter.

Big questions, fast answers: 

Can men be victims of abuse? 

Yes. Any person can be a victim of abuse.

“With regards to men and abuse — there is a stigma around men who report domestic violence. They are seen as “weak.”
It’s very difficult for a man to come forward and report abuse. We have helped around 29 men this year in reporting their cases. They are very reluctant and we are trying to change this. We urge men to enforce their rights. In the end, violence has no gender,” says RADV.

Can men report abuse against women? 

Yes. The exact same process applies to all people.

Do the police ‘actually’ help you when you take the step to report abuse? 

The first thing the police ask is if you have a protection order. The police are mandated to assist in instances of domestic violence but usually direct the victim to the court first to apply for a protection order. If they have a protection order, SAPS does step in and assist.

Will I be abandoned or stranded after reposting abuse? 

The issue with shelters is that they are usually full. There is a process where the victim has to be interviewed by a social worker before access is granted to shelters. This does not mean you will be abandoned.

Should you join organisations, you will not be abandoned by the system. “We simply don’t allow it,” says RADV. “It’s important to join an organisation that is mandated to assist victims of domestic violence or GBV because we don’t allow the victims to get lost in the system. We are with them every step of the way.”

Will I be protected after I report abuse? 

Abuse needs to be reported to the correct channels. For example, SAPS will ask you to apply for a protection order first. Once there is a protection order you will be protected.

Can I report abuse in my home language?

Yes.

Can I report abuse if I was intoxicated at the time? 

It is always best to complete your statement at the police station and court with a sober mind.

What happens if the individual abusing me is my relative/guardian?

The same method of reporting abuse applies. Most abuse is perpetrated by our loved ones.

What do I do if someone I know is a victim of abuse?

You are able to apply for a protection order on behalf of a victim with their written consent. You can also report this to SAPS or an organisation.

If I want to report abuse anonymously, can I do so?

This will need to be done via an organisation because unless the victim is reporting it to SAPS directly, it is very difficult for them to get help. An organisation would assist the victim in coming forward. Whistle-blowing can take place anonymously, although it’s very difficult for the victim to be helped unless they want to be helped.

Must I report the abuser to the police first in order to get help or be assisted with help in a shelter?

No. You do not need to report abuse first to gain access to a shelter. You can contact an organisation directly. However, reporting abuse is key to ending GBV.

If I get help, will I need to face my abuser during the process?

Yes, you will need to face your abuser in court. It’s an unfortunate situation within the domestic violence courts, or any court. You will need to share verbal testimony in front of your abuser unless you are a victim of sexual assault (in these instances you can ask to be in separate rooms).

For more information and resources, www.riseagainstdomesticviolence.co.za

There is light:

“We want women to know that you have rights and it is important to enforce them especially if you are living in fear,” says Zen Williams Founder and Director at RADV.

“We also want to assure you that you are not alone. We have online WhatsApp support groups which offer access to resources, guidance, information and legal advice. Rise Against Domestic Violence offers these resources to victims of gender-based violence and domestic violence free of charge.”

“If you are considering leaving your abuser, a safety and exit plan is essential and we at RADV will provide this to you. This will enable you to work through situations such as contacts, emergency numbers, who to inform, emergency places of stay, financial issues and forward planning. When a victim is in a highly stressful situation, we do not always think clearly which is why leaning towards a safety plan and an exit strategy is important.”

Important numbers to save if you are a victim of GBV or domestic violence:

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