While we often hear about children being bullied at school, the notion of the ‘adult bully’ is largely overlooked, neglected and very rarely surfaces in day-to-day conversation.
According to verywellmind, an adult bully is defined as someone who regularly makes you feel oppressed, belittled, humiliated, or de-energised.
And as someone who has suffered with a chronic stutter since I was a child, I know what it feels like to fall victim to bullying on both spectrums: as a child and as an adult, writes Cape {town} Etc’s Micayla Vellai.
People have often asked me why I didn’t take up an occupation as a DJ, seeing that I ‘remix’ things so well (with reference to me repeating the same word over and over as a struggled to get it out).
In that same breath, I’ve been physically tapped on the back, as a ‘hilarious’ gesture to “cough up the words,” similarly to how one would tap a baby on the back in order to burp it.
Those who stutter will be able to relate to the difficulty that comes with trying to utter a word and stopping midway with your mouth awkwardly gawked. Here I’ve been compared to a fish.
And these examples are only what I’ve experienced from adults. I won’t even get into all of the trauma that comes with childhood teasing, mimicking, and mocking…
However, this constant torment has led me to crawl deeper into my shell, often too scared to speak in public, in fear of those little whispers and giggles that burns a hole in my ears – because adults should know how to speak fluently, right? That’s what society dictates.
What it comes down to is that in some way or another, most of us have fallen victim to the ‘adult bully’ at least once in our lives, perhaps without even realising it. You’ll know it when a ‘light, playful jab’ is accompanied by the words ‘stop being so sensitive.’
Professor Preston Ni, who is also the author of “How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People” outlines two forms of bullying that are worth paying attention to: verbal bullying and cyberbullying. I’ve handpicked these two because I believe that this is what’s most prevalent amongst adults right now.
According to Professor Ni, verbal bullying describes threats, shaming, hostile teasing, insults, constant negative judgment and criticism while cyberbullying relates to social media, texting, video, email, on-line discussion, and other digital formats.
With this in mind, it’s so important to be mindful of what you say to others and how you convey your thoughts (verbally or digitally). Something I usually like to do is ask myself: How are my words going to affect someone else? Is it necessary for me to make this comment? Will I feel better about myself after making this comment?
I firmly believe that “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. Let’s be kind.
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