No one tells you about the grey areas of parenting. For those parents who are expecting a baby or looking to adopt a pet (I did both!) it is never quite black and white, writes Gasant Abarder in a new #SliceofGasant. But it will give you the greatest joy.
Abarder, who recently launched his book, Hack with a Grenade, is among the country’s most influential media voices. Catch his weekly column here, exclusive to Cape {town} Etc.
I read somewhere that parenting is really just about threats and bribes. Rewarding good behaviour and punishing bad. It’s the same for animals, I guess. A treat for Fido the pup when he does what he is asked to do. And a rebuke – in low tones – if he’s been bad.
I’ve been a dad four times over but really only got into being hands-on with the last born. She’s now a 4-year-old and beyond smart. She reads between the lines. Even when we switch to Afrikaans to have an adult discussion, a language she has yet to come to grips with, she picks up the stompies.
Just over a month ago, my little princess Ariana Abarder became somewhat of a practical joker too. She hides things for the comedy. Car keys, smartphones and recently my wallet. It’s all good and well until she forgets the hiding place though!
The wallet was probably the worst-case scenario. It went missing on a Thursday night and emerged on the Saturday morning. During the hours that passed the rest of the family scoured the house – searching the same spots over and over. Eventually you look in the most ridiculous places like the toilet cistern out of desperation.
I broke out into a sweat several times and had dialled the bank a few times before hanging up, thinking it must be somewhere in the house. The bank cards were in there along with my ID card and driver’s licence. Eventually, I could just laugh. Thing is, Ariana had from the start admitted to having put it somewhere. Where exactly? She didn’t really know.
On the Saturday morning, I was about to call the bank and follow through with cancelling the cards when we decided to hold a 10th and final interrogation. It was time to bring out the threats. Enough of the bribes. Time for dad to play good cop and mom to play mad cop. It worked as her memory was jogged. She remembered playing with it outside. Sure enough, it was found under a patio sofa cushion – a spot where we hadn’t look.
12 days ago – as if I’m not grey enough – I adopted a four-month-old Siberian Husky named Maya. She is gorgeous and it was love at first sight. The feeling was mutual as she quickly embraced us into her wolf pack.
I googled all there was to know about Siberian Huskies. I found a chap on YouTube with a clip of 5 easy steps to train your Husky puppy. Simple, he said. (Although, it did take him about 17 minutes into a 20-minute video to get to the point.)
The 5 easy steps: 1) stick to a schedule, 2) don’t lose your cool, 3) use delicious treats, 4) teach one command at a time and 5) don’t get stressed.
The schedule, treats and commands were easy as she’s quite a clever pup. Perhaps too smart. By day 2 she had the sit command down perfectly. On day 3, she figured out each time she sits during a walk she gets a treat. It has been a case of stop/start walks ever since.
The hard part is not losing your cool or stressing out. What I didn’t know is huskies are the high jumpers of the canine world. Keeping her in a part of the backyard so I could clean up in another, she showed me just how well she could climb and hurdle over a fence. On day 10, we went out for two hours and she managed to scale a two-metre gate!
But when it all comes together it is extremely rewarding: whether it’s for puppy and owner or daughter and dad. When Ariana is able to swim without dad’s help it is such a moment of euphoria. When Maya wakes me at 4am when nature calls, I find myself on the front lawn doing fist pumps in my pyjamas.
There is a famous saying in the entertainment business: never work with kids or animals. As a parent to both humans and animals I have no choice but to work with both. And they’re showing me all my days!
It’s the things they don’t tell you about parenting – whether it is kids or pets – that make you grey. But etched in the receding hairlines, the grey and the wrinkles are the memories that literally only happen once in your lifetime. It’s the moments money can’t buy.
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Pictures: Supplied