A Friday night rom-com with my badass mother made me look forward to the dating scene writes Cape {town} Etc’s Jay-tee Davidson. Imagining pebbles thrown at the window on a rainy Tuesday night, as love was being confessed with a heartfelt poem. How about a first date cab ride shared on the way home, being walked up to the porch and indulging in a passionate kiss? From chocolates to roses, all we ever wanted was romance but we were met with ghosts and blue ticks instead.
Dating isn’t romantic, sweet or even the slightest bit of fun. It’s more of an offbeat dance between two individuals, going from point A to B and most of the time the entire alphabet gets skipped. I’m not saying that dating should look like a typical rom-com, it’s just missing something. Could it be the increasing fear of commitment, or walls built so high that I almost blurt out “what’s the point?”.
Who sends the first text after the first date? To double text or to take a few hours to respond? Are these the new ways we pretend to say “I’m interested but not that much” – are we merely projecting? Are we saying “I like you, but I’m afraid to have my heart broken by you so I will pretend to not care”?
Does our generation know what it’s like to approach a stranger at a party with “Hey, wanna grab a coffee some time?”, and survive the awkward silences? Do we have the patience or the stamina to climb walls? How did we go from truly getting to know someone, to making it to their close-friends list on Instagram? Going on dates gives me so much anxiety…
Is my date who they portray on social media, or will they be disappointed with my offscreen presence? The presence without the filter. Reading that again gave me a giggle because it sounds ridiculous, but it’s the reality. So many unnecessary insecurities because of social media is the reason I’ve declined many dates.
Bustle interviewed a few participants and asked the lovers to define the term “modern dating”.
- Modern dating has a character limit
“Modern dating is being able to sum yourself up in 500 characters or less and hoping you get super likes on Tinder. That being said, I don’t hate it. It takes a lot of legwork out of romance.” – Kathryn, 27
- Modern Dating lacks creativity
“But, really – how many times can one person grab drinks at happy hour after work? Can’t we do anything – something! – other than that? Sure, some people suggest more interesting dates, but they are few and far between.” – Patty, 34
- Modern Dating is having too many doors open
“It seems like no one is ever enough because there is always someone else waiting in the wings. Someone taller, someone thinner, someone richer, someone smarter. To meet someone you click with and like doesn’t seem to be enough anymore because there is always more. Modern dating, as Aziz Ansari put it is having 1,000 doors to open instead of just a couple.” –Alexandra, 28
- Modern Dating is Instant Gratification Relationships
“Any and all relationships happening now, now, now. We’re the generation of instant gratification in everything, and dating is no exception.” – Zoe, 28
Fellow reader, I hate to sound like a pessimist about the dating scene but we need to have this conversation. I can already see my mom’s classic eye-roll at my 24-year-old self writing about a tough dating scene at my ripe age, but with the influence of social media, things have changed quite a bit.
I’ve spent many days playing “he loves me, he loves me not” in the pages of my diary, and I came to one conclusion. The modern dating scene might suck, but I will forever be a hopeless romantic, and until I find my Prince Charming, I will not settle. I will keep romance alive within myself, remembering that “life is the flower for which love is the honey.”
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Picture: Supplied