Recently, I, like many of us have seen, heard, and may as well have smelt self-love content at this point writes Cape {town} Etc’s Ashleigh Nefdt. It’s been trending on social media feeds and in a multitude of conversation topics from high profile talks, to a conversation you might have with a stranger.
Now off the bat, it might sound like I’m critiquing self-love mentality. On the contrary, I promote it with open arms. What I am unleashing the fox of criticism on, however, is the idea that self love is all you need. The only kind of love you should crave, and the only kind of love you should give. This is the thread throughout the trend that I squint at (granted I have poor eyesight on a good day). Humour aside, when we are sold the idea by content creators and influencers that we can survive on self-love and self-love alone, things can get sticky.
It’s a fabulous promise, but a false one in my opinion. Why would it be great? Well, for those who subscribe to the “we are born alone and we die alone” mentality, it fits into the security that you can provide everything you need for yourself. Just you, on your own, in all aspects.
And let’s face it. We live in a world where connection is different from the generations of community. Not only is it digital, but for the last two years it’s been painted by a pandemic and dubbed with social distancing as the soundtrack. Feeling alone is likely one of the most common threads we all, ironically, share.
So the idea that self-love is all you need is a great sell to the lonely buyer, there’s no doubt about that.
Here’s the problem with the one-man mission think tank.
We are social creatures by our make-up. Yuval Noah Harari, writer of Sapiens really put this into detailed perspective for me.
Here’s some food for thought.
If self-love was all anyone needed, then life as a whole would be pretty problematic in design.
I saw a quote recently (originally posted by @sangefiruze) that also got my mind churning buttered thoughts of how we rely on each other.
“We were born alone & we die alone,” the post started before asking some thought-provoking questions.
“Did you deliver yourself during birth? Did you build all the roofs that have ever given you shelter? Did you sow the wheat in your bread and weave the clothes on your back? Did you write all the books you’ve ever read, and the music you’ve ever listened to?
Who made the bed you’re going to die in? You, all alone?”
Our world is one of collaborations, good and bad, to cite CA Conrad.
My tender concern is that using self-love as our only love-fuel impacts both society and the individual.
For the individual, it expresses that only loving yourself is sustainable. Let’s be honest, receiving a hug from someone else feels a hell of a lot better than wrapping your own arms around yourself. Smiling at a stranger, versus smiling at yourself in the mirror are two very different experiences.
Again, I am not saying do not love yourself. Flourish in self-love. Practice it. You must love yourself. What I am pondering aloud, is that self-love isn’t all you need.
For the society, it can close us off to the love we give others if we think self-love is all we need.
Philosophically, works like What We Owe to Each Other are a great read. In my opinion, individualism is overrated.
Practically, we only need to look at our toughest times as a country to see the importance of shared love. The recent civil unrest stands as a reminder. Was it the individual who pulled us through the dark, or was it community collaboration? Even if there were remarkable individuals, it was the broader community that received their love.
Indeed, love yourself. Fully, completely, wholesomely. And then, share that love with others. And be willing to receive their love in return. Whether it is a cashier wishing you a happy day, or a homeless man who thanks you for your kindness. Love is light a candle’s light after all: when you share it, it doesn’t lessen. It only expands.
Let it be your beginning, but I challenge you to not let it be your end.
The more I love myself, the more I can love you. The more I have, the more I can give.
Picture: Pinterest/ Posh Pixels Co