It’s lunchtime and you reach for your smartphone for your daily dose of “tea”, yet all you got was “love and light” on Instagram. What’s with all of the good vibes lately? If Typo isn’t putting it on a water bottle, your crush’s tinder bio reminds you that it’s “all good baby”.
What on earth is going on? You’ve had two coffees yet you’re still not satisfied. Perhaps we can blame the countless ads that recycles the ever so catchy “good vibrations” by The Beastie Boys. Look at where we are, so happy and fulfilled that we have to remind the world every chance we get.
Unfortunately, there is a dark side to positive vibes, called toxic positivity. The PsychologyGroup defines toxic positivity as “the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. ” Leading to the invalidation of real human emotional experiences. Necessary internal processes are minimized, and replaced by tricking the mind into “the bright side”.
Spreading positivity and being kind to ourselves and one another is so important. In the more recent decades, books and popular media shed light on the value of positive thinking and its benefits. Amazing benefits to turning your frown upside down, but it’s important to know when to draw the line.
Some examples of toxic positivity according to Medical News Today are :
- asserting after a crisis that “everything happens for a reason”
- urging someone to focus on the positive aspects of a devastating loss
- telling someone to get over their grief or suffering and focus on the good things in their life
- labelling people who always appear positive or do not share their emotions as being stronger or more likeable than others
- urging people to thrive no matter what adversity they face, such as by telling people that they must use enforced time at home during the COVID-19 pandemic to develop new skills or improve their fitness
- brushing off someone’s concerns by saying, “it could be worse”
I’ve had my fair share of toxic positivity, as have I dished it out too writes Cape {Town} Etc’s Jay-tee. Most of the time it’s unintentional, sometimes one does not know how to console a loved one. So attempts are made with “it will get better soon” or “look on the bright side” as if feelings and emotions work that way. It’s like stuffing someone up with a little white lie while suppressing their authentic feelings.
We have all done this to another, but nothing compares to the number of times we force toxic positivity down our own throats. Waking up in the morning and expressing your gratitude even though you’re fed up with everything and everyone. Affirming “I am beautiful” to yourself in the mirror when you feel the opposite means you are missing the point. The real and raw “ugly” that you are feeling needs some attention, and not with hugs and kisses but looking that unpleasant feeling in the eye.
Humans are complex beings, imagine yourself as a classic gumball machine, your different-coloured bubblegums represent an emotion. Some flavours are heaven on earth, others not so great. All of them are equally important. Failing to acknowledge these emotions won’t make them go away. Honour your beautiful feelings, no matter what they appear to be, they are part of your gumball machine.
Fellow humans, the bright side will always be there, but we need to face the shadow, the sun promises to follow writes Cape {Town} Etc’s Jay-tee.
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