Capetonians tend to hold their home to a very high standard. Given the opportunity, a resident will tell you how no other city compares to Cape Town. From the food, to the picturesque views, to the vibe, us Capetonians collectively believe we have the best of everything. Sometimes, however, a nice slice of humble pie is served.

The food scene

When a new restaurant opens in Cape Town, wallets everywhere shudder in fear. While we do boast an impressive array of eateries that caters to the affordability of someone earning the Pound, our famous street foods, unlike the expectations of these establishments, never let us down.

Here is what Capetonians expect to eat everyday:

 

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The reality:

 

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The beautiful beaches 

A real Capetown catfish, is our beaches. Rated some of the most beautiful in the world, with pearl white sands and spectacular mountain views. What we fail to mention though, is the reason why our beaches are so pristine. Capetonians never, ever, go to the beach. Why? The Atlantic Ocean, that’s why.

The water is so cold here that one could get hypothermia in the height of Summer. Lest we forget the workout it takes to eventually reach the beach. There’s more chance in finding gold in the sand with a metal detector than it is to find a parking spot close-by.

The sweltering heat of Summer sees most Capetonians seeking refuge in a pool. You may catch a Capetonian phoning up old friends to make plans, when in actual fact all they care about is the pool at the bottom of their garden.

Suggesting a beach-day in December to a group of Cape Town locals will be met with as much enthusiasm as a petrol price increase.

For those that do venture to the beach will probably expect to see something like this:

 

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When in reality, this is what you can expect, because those who dare brave the water are probably on a surfboard or kayak.

 

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Above Clifton Beach 1sts 🦋 . . #saltywings #capetownmag #cliftonbeach

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The wind

There is nothing a Capetonian loathes more than the wind. This is the one thing we can confidently say we have the most of, the strongest of and an unlimited abundance of. If we had to choose between blistering heat, pouring rain or a beautiful, windy day: the answer will never be the latter.

Behind all the beautiful landscape photos of Cape Town, is bound to be a gale force wind.

Or at least to us that’s what it feels like.

A Capetonian would only ever upload photos from a day that was windy, never a video. If you happen to be one of the remaining few who do upload videos of a view with the wind for sound: please stop, or at least mute it.

Here is what a typical photo of Capetown’s iconic landscapes looks like:

 

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With some behind the scenes footage of what is really going on:

 

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The traffic

The one thing a Capetonian hates more than the wind, is the traffic. Rather stick us on a sand dune with 85km an hour winds, than make us sit in traffic for an hour. We hate it that much. Traffic is a living, breathing nightmare that haunts our daily work commutes.

From people who don’t indicate, taxi’s that push in despite there being no space, to the motorbikes that drive in an imaginary middle lane. There are so many things about traffic that will bring out the inner rage of a Capetonian.

When we speak about how bad the traffic is to those unfamiliar with a rush-hour commute, this is what they think:

 

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When in reality, we are lucky to make it home or to the office, in an hour:

 

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300m in 15mins. 👌#capetowntraffic #imgoingtobelate

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The weather

What is more unpredictable than Cape Town’s weather? Nothing. Not one thing. In Cape Town we have four seasons in a day. It’s an anomaly if the weather actually does what the forecast says it will. Sun in October? Don’t forget to pack a windbreaker and an umbrella, just in case. Stillness in May? Here comes the snow. Sunny everywhere in the Western Cape? Dark by 5pm in Newlands.

The weather in the Mother City and her surrounds have a mind of their own. Try as we might, we will never be able to get it right.

When we say we have four seasons in a day, most people think sun and cloud:

 

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But what we really mean is: the sun is out but the wind is icy, or it’s raining but it’s 28°C. One thing we can always count on in Cape Town, is for the weather to be consistently inconsistent.

Image source: Unsplash

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