The Mayor of Cape Town is pleased to announce on this day, 1 April 2024, that Suikerbossie Hill is soon to be flattened. This will bring immediate and much-needed relief to every cyclist who participates in the Cape Town Cycle Tour.
It will also bring relief to motorists who spend half a tank of petrol just getting up Suikerbossie each time.
Speaking about this historic improvement to the landscape of Cape Town, the Mayor said, ‘While completing my first full Cape Town Cycle Tour (on an e-bike), I came face to face with the sheer horror and torture that is Suikerbossie Hill.
‘About a quarter of the way up Suikerbossie, I lost the ability to speak. Half way up Suikerbossie, I lost the will to live. Three-quarters of the way up, in a state of severe suffering, I had an epiphany – why should this hill be here, anyway?
‘I have no idea who put Suikerbossie Hill there, or what they were thinking, but we will now correct this massive error. Frankly, I’m surprised no one has thought of this before.’
News of this decision was met with elation in the wider Cape Town cycling community as well as in the Republic of Hout Bay, where residents have suffered under the shadow of Suikerbossie for too long. Residents will soon be advised of demolition and tunnelling plans, but we expect the work to be finished just in time to make next year’s Cycle Tour much more pleasant.
Cycle Tour Director, Mr David Bellairs, was ecstatic in response, ‘The race was nearly three weeks ago, and there are still a few cyclists trying to get up Suikerbossie. They’re still out there right now, and we still check on them once a day. This announcement will make a big positive difference. We expect thousands more riders to sign up now. What a great decision!’
The Mayor ended by assuring residents that all the gravel and sand removed from Suikerbossie would be put to good use.
‘We will be donating it to Jo’burg for them to use in filling potholes’, he said.
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