When you tell people that you’re moving somewhere new, you’ll often be met with a combination of unsolicited advice and opinions. The cynics will offer ‘realistic’ advice that can make us doubt our own choices, and lead to hours awake in bed, thinking about their painted, ‘what-ifs?’. The dreamers may adorn you will a romanticised version of existence. They’ll talk about how beautiful new things can be, and depending on your new destination and their knowledge, they might actually share some real fairy tales with you. However, often they leave out the real and practical parts that are fundamental to the story.
This piece falls somewhere in the middle of the two categories, with an aim to weave the realities of moving to a new city amongst the dreams that are sometimes just as real as the hard times, from someone who’s done it more than once, writes Cape {town} Etc’s Ashleigh Nefdt.
1. You’re never going to have the same life as someone else who’s lived in that city.
This one might sound slightly obvious, but funnily enough, I have found myself often disappointed when realising that so many of my expectations on a big move were based on someone else’s life there. When you move to a new city, go in with open arms and the mindset that this is your experience, and yours to enjoy for exactly what it is.
2. You are allowed to be disappointed by experiences.
So often, and especially when it comes to a big city like Cape Town for one, there are so many gushing tales of certain places or adventures that set a sort of tone of expectancy. Admittedly, I have certainly felt disappointed by some “you must do this when you move” experiences I’ve had. The coffee was not in fact to die for. The wine farm did not actually take my breath away. Critical as it may sound, I often felt a sense of guilt upon the “incredible experiences” others had foretold. Was I somehow doing the experience wrong? No. I, like you, am allowed to feel disappointed at times and without self-judgment.
3. Ask locals about their favourite places and things to do.
Don’t rely solely on tourist publications and mainstream Instagram posts. Who, after all, knows better than the people that make the city? I found myself enjoying life more organically when I stopped trying to enjoy the places everyone talked about and started enjoying the places a few talked about. You might find some delicious hidden gems on this kind of trail, and understand exactly why they are hidden.
4. Romanticise your life for yourself as much as you might for others.
Take pictures that you’d want to go in an album for only yourself to see as if social media didn’t exist. Keep a journal to track the memories that stuck with you, and enjoy your moments in the stillness of appreciation. As much as some feel they must share with others, we must also remember to share will our present, and future selves.
5. Accept, and appreciate the lonely moments.
A new and big city can feel tremendously lonely at times. Instead of trying to ignore the feeling and perhaps reverting to thinking we are wrong for the lonely moments, understand and appreciate them. I use the word appreciate here because there’s a lesson in these times. A lesson of processing, and of reflection. Perhaps even a whole class on thought and mindfulness.
6. Don’t expect to make the same kinds of friends you had in your old kingdom.
Familiarity is like honey to a bee for the human mind. However, different places attract different kinds of people. Instead of sticking to what you know with a steady grasp, try to go beyond your comfort zone, especially with different kinds of people. People are, after all, adventures in themselves. You might just find that the artistic soul you’ve always been attracted to is just as wonderful as the surfer you’ve never spoken to before, in a different way. There’s always room for more appreciation of others.
7. Be patient with yourself, especially when you get lost
Many times, I found myself whizzing around in frustration as the GPS screamed “rerouting” at me, and tears of frustration would bubble up as I thought “really, I’m lost again?” I learnt after some time that patience was of the essence. You’re not doing it wrong, you’re just doing it slowly, and that’s quite alright.
8. Don’t forget that the people you left behind are still there.
It’s easy to get caught up in a new life. Things change, and to quote Ferris Bueller, “life moves pretty fast.” When you’re missing home, reach out. There’s nothing wrong in feeling homesick. Having as many calls to home as you’d like doesn’t mean you aren’t strong on your new turf, it just means that your heart has space for both.
Picture: Pinterest/ Wattpad
